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'One fond memory is of Carmen and me dancing to the song 'The Age of Aquarius' while writing in the air with incense. As I waved around the black sticks, creating patterns with the swirling streams of scented smoke, a type of
euphoria embraced my higher senses. The caged light inside me that was often filtered through a narrow passage of expected behaviour was beginning to awaken. It was the late 1960's. and there was a sense of magic in the air. The world was on a roll. There were horrific things happening, such as the Vietnam War. Yet, running parallel was a new consciousness: a new wave of thinking was being born. Although we as children were blissfully unaware, the music and the mood of the planet were prevalent and the younger generation were strong and demanding. Like the process of osmosis, we were taking it all in.'
In a powerful book by Anita Moorjani, 'Dying to be Me', (link below) which is an account of her amazing near death experience, Anita says when she was clinically dead she felt that whether she lived or she died, she knew without doubt that everything was going to be absolutely fine and fear became irrelevant and non existent. When fear can be irrelevant while we alive, the power of trust and love can take its place creating infinite possibilities.
Through choosing to become more aware is a simple step we can take now. With Saturn in the sign of Capricorn until 2020, we will not have the luxury of resting on our laurels or keeping our head in the sand. Now is a time to dig deep, look clearly at ourselves and see the good, the bad and ugly, allowing our inner beauty to shine regardless, love all of ourselves and see where we can learn and grow.
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I publish my Blog on the first Monday of each month.
As I read your question my first impression is that the men in your life so far have been there as a catalyst for healing inner wounds. Its wonderful that you are so aware of your feelings and I can sense your soul driving you to create breakthrough and peace with your internal conflict about creating emotional intimacy with someone special. I sense many around you in Spirit but particularly a kind lady who feels as though she was very spiritual. Her words are something like..'look in the mirror and see love, do this often and others will see the light in you and love you also. As long as you are projecting that you are not good enough, that is the reaction you will get from others.' I sense the answer is to forget about the men and focus on loving you, and then the men will not be able to resist you. I would like to recommend a book I feel may help its called 'Living an Exceptional Life' by Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson https://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Create-Exceptional-Life/dp/1401935389
This book really helped me to love myself more. Remember also, the law of attraction. When we focus on lack, of anything, that is what we attract. Trust your intuition in terms of seeking out support and healing.
As far as the man around you at the moment, I feel he has been sent as a catalyst for you to go deeper in yourself and I do feel a nice friendship forming that may lead to romance. Sometimes we are not meant to know outcomes and also free will can shift results so relax, enjoy and love you!
I do see a house for you that you instantly fall in love with, it seems small but cosy and has a lovely nature element. I get a gentleman in Spirit around you, perhaps a father figure, helping you. He says focus on how you feel when you find the right home and ignore the number, you will be living in the number vibration that you are meant to be in. The next few months will see positive results around this situation. Give thanks in advance for the blessings of your new home.