|Image Credit Hanna Barczyk for NPR|
The lady who sat before me was beaming enthusiastic gratitude. Her large green eyes danced with light and even her blonde hair seemed to look brighter than when she first arrived.
Her previous sunken posture was now sitting upright and looked ready to take on the world.
As she thanked me profusely, I smiled inside. It had been difficult for me to get a word in during our coaching session. This lovely lady had talked non stop. I heard a quiet voice within say, she just needed someone to listen.
I have learned over the years that a crucial part of healing is listening. Not just acknowledging, 'oh yeah? really mmm,' but really listening to one another from our heart, from a place of compassion.
Sadly, it seems that listening is a bit of a lost art. We all need to be heard and we all need validation. Many of us didn't receive that sort of respect as a child, so we grew up thinking we weren't worthy of it. Yet, if we want that respect, surely it makes sense that we also give it.
If you are having conflict with someone, chances are one of you or both of you are feeling unheard. Sure, if may be way more complex that that, given the unique circumstances, but by placing ourselves in the others shoes, even for a moment, we invite breakthrough.
People tend to soften when they know someone cares and takes a genuine interest in them. Defense mechanisms are let down, and there is space for insight and epiphanies. Such a little investment for a big return.
In a world of endless scrutiny, listening without judgement is truly an underestimated healing tool.
The good news is, its pretty simple With the risk of sounding condescending, below are few basic tips, that serve as a reminder, myself included.
- Body language and eye contact will create an atmosphere where someone will feel either safe or unsafe to express. It helps if we are aware how we show up. Arms crossed and giving demon looks to your partner is not the most loving atmosphere for them to express their true feelings.
- Listen without judgement and repeat what you have heard, allowing the person to know you are listening. If you heard wrong, they can then correct you.
- Validate. Extract something you heard that is somehow a compliment or encouraging. Even if you don't like what you are hearing, you could say, I commend you on your honesty. This will encourage them to continue to open up.
- Stay centered and calm as possible. By holding a calm and peaceful space for the person, you can allow their own self healing energy to emerge.
- Avoid trying to fix anything This can be challenging if you are like me and love to find answers to problems. Once the layers of expression become activated, solutions often naturally arise for the person who is expressing them self. Throwing in your opinions and well meaning advice can make the person you are listening to feel like you are not hearing them. Only talk to reflect what you have heard, to validate or encourage.
- Take turns to listen If you are working on a close relationship, make a pact that you will give blocks of space to listen to each other.
If you would like to check out my website, go to www.lizwintermedium.com and lately I have begun posting a few short You Tube videos called Spiritual Reminders. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEp6FdjfBPGxHBOazvYkb9w?view_as=subscriber
Have a great June!
Below are some of your questions answered. If you would like to ask a question, email me at email@example.com I publish my Blog on the first Monday of each month.
Dear Spirit, could you please give me clear guidance on my relationship with my partner as and some of my kids have issues? Kris
I sense so many around you in Spirit enveloping you in love. I particularly feel female, motherly, nurturing energy. The fact that you are asking for clear guidance and putting out that intention, gives me the sense that they will be downloading clarity to you any moment now, if not already.
I am reminded of the quote 'One cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it' (Einstein)
I feel what they mean by that is that your learning around this situation is to stay centered in high energy and from that place, solutions will appear. This is easier said than done I know, but if nothing else, pray, pray and keep praying. Spirit cannot interfere with your free will and cannot tell you what course of action to take. What they can tell you is they are holding you in their arms 100 per cent and totally trust that you will come from your heart when making choices.
I do sense time out could be helpful, that is getting some space from your partner even for a short time, like a day or two. I feel its confusing for you when you are around them at the moment and clarity comes easier in your down time. I also saw you surrounded by beautiful Daisies.
I am really looking after my physical body but often have periods of feeling exhausted, is this exhaustion related to something on the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual ? What can I do to transform it. Miss S
I have a lovely kind gentleman in Spirit around you, looks a little like a Tibetan man, I assume a spirit guide. He is humourous, warm and kind. He points out the middle area of your back and is projecting healing there. The chakra centre associated with that area of the body, as you know, is the heart centre. I feel like some energy is a little blocked there and by focusing on heart healing, you will gain more energy. I also get that Reiki, Acupuncture or simply placing your hands on your heart often help to unblock the energy.
I would love to know what you see. Have I truly turned the corner? Am I safe and can face my new future without fear? Josie
There is a wonderful, strong woman in Spirit who has a loud laugh and brings through much optimism and joy. I feel she is either mother or mothers side of the family. She is so proud of your achievements and says it is time to celebrate. Yes, you have turned a corner and yes, you can move forward fearlessly! Well done, be ready to receive.
I have been going through so much stress I think I’m doing well then bam, another huge hurdle it’s been years. I’m now jobless n homeless but have places to stay. I have a huge dog, we just want to be settled. When do you see us being in a place that we can call home ? Amy n Lido
As I tune in I see huge rainbows around you and feel it is a lovely sign from Spirit. Whatever it is you have had to learn from being jobless and homeless is almost learned. There is gold at the end of the rainbow! I saw a home in the countryside, it may be a small place on someones farm/property but it's perfect for you and Lido. I feel you will hear of this through word of mouth. There may be an exchange of energy for rent on this farm, or it may be an option. This could happen out of the blue and quite quickly, be ready for change soon.
How long until I find love? I deeply desire a life playmate. All other areas of my life is awesome. Anonymous
As I tuned in I couldn't seem to get anything around love for you so I turned to my Archangel Michael cards as I know Archangel Michael is always truthful! The card that came up is called 'Let Go of Fear,' it says: 'You are going in the right direction, you deserve all that is good, allow yourself to receive love,support and abundance, you are lovable! '
I am sure you have already scanned your self for past patterns and fear of love but perhaps double check if there is any thing more you can do to invite love in. I also get a sense that your next partner will not be anything like you have had in the past, so the key is really to be open to a brand new beginning, and brand new 'types' when it comes to love. I know you asked 'when' but am not being told when, I guess we are not meant to know everything. Be happy, the universe is always on time!